Balikis Opeyemi, who grew up without knowing her father and was raised by her grandparents, speaks with TEMITOPE ADETUNJI about her difficult childhood, losing her mother without getting answers about her father, and her continued search for him
Could you introduce yourself?
I am in my early 20s. I was born on November 16, and I am a baker and a mother of two boys. I have spent my entire life searching for my father, whom I have never seen or heard from. For more than 20 years, I have lived with the pain of not knowing who he is or where he might be.
What was life like growing up?
Growing up was very difficult. Sometimes, I wish I could explain everything I went through, but I honestly feel only someone who has experienced that kind of childhood would truly understand.
A single mother raised me, but my situation was different from that of many children raised by responsible single parents who sacrifice everything for their children. My mother’s lifestyle was unstable, as though she didn’t really care, and because of that, I suffered in many ways.
I am her only child, yet I never really experienced the love and care that many children receive from their mothers. Instead of growing up under her guidance, I spent most of my childhood living with my grandparents. They became the people who raised me.
My mother would come around occasionally, spend a little time at home, and then disappear again for days or even weeks. As a child, I couldn’t understand why things were that way. All I knew was that I longed for a mother who would be present in my life.
That absence affected me deeply. It wasn’t just physical; it was emotional too. I constantly felt abandoned, and over the years, it began to affect my mental and emotional well-being.
I couldn’t pursue the quality education I dreamt of. As a result, my highest educational qualification is the Senior Secondary School Certificate Examination.
How did those experiences shape your childhood?
It was painful in so many ways. Apart from missing my mother’s presence, I also had to deal with the stigma that came with our family situation. There were times when school fees were difficult to pay, and children would mock me.
As a child, hearing those things was heartbreaking because I had done nothing wrong. Yet, I carried the burden of decisions that were never mine. Looking back now, I honestly don’t know how I survived those years emotionally.
How determined were you to build a different life from the one you saw growing up?
Today, when I look back, I thank God that I didn’t follow a dangerous path. Considering everything I witnessed while growing up, I could easily have made different choices.
Instead, I learned from what I saw. The life I watched convinced me that I wanted something completely different for myself and for the family I would someday have.
That experience taught me that difficult beginnings do not have to determine how a person’s life ends.
At what point did you begin asking about your father?
I’ve been asking about my father for as long as I can remember. As a little girl, I would ask my mother simple questions: “Who is my father? Where is he? Can I meet him?” But I never received a clear answer.
Whenever I asked, she would avoid the conversation or say things that left me even more confused. Sometimes, she would become upset simply because I wanted to know who my father was.
As I grew older, those questions became even more painful because every child deserves to know where they come from.
How did it feel not knowing your father’s identity?
It left a huge emptiness in my life. I didn’t know whether he was alive or dead. I didn’t know what he looked like. I didn’t know where he lived or whether he had ever thought about me.
Imagine growing up without being able to answer one of the simplest questions people ask: “Who is your father?” That feeling stays with you. It affects your confidence. It affects your emotions. Sometimes, you begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you.
There were moments I envied children who complained about their fathers because at least they knew who their fathers were. I couldn’t even say that much. For me, my father was simply a question without an answer.
Did your grandparents know who he was?
I asked my grandfather many times. Unfortunately, he told me he never really knew the man. According to him, my mother never formally introduced my father to the family while they were dating. Because of that, even my grandparents couldn’t help me find him.
That was another painful discovery. It meant I wasn’t just looking for someone whose whereabouts were unknown; I didn’t even have enough information to begin searching.
As the years passed, I realised I was carrying questions that nobody around me seemed able to answer.
Sadly, my mother has now passed away, and I no longer have the opportunity to ask her about him. The little information I have came from my mother’s younger sister. She told me that my parents did not date for long before my mother became pregnant with me.
According to her, my father’s name is Nureni Yemi Ajayi. I was also told that he has an elder brother named Kazeem and an elder sister who is an Alhaja. At some point, he reportedly lived on Lawal Close, Dopemu, around the area where water is sold. I also heard that he is originally from Abeokuta, Ogun State.
When did your mother pass away, and what was her name?
My mother, Oluwatoyin Oladele, passed away in 2023.
How have you been coping after losing your mother?
It has been an incredibly difficult phase of my life. Although my mother and I were not as close as I wished, her passing still left a deep emptiness in my heart. What hurts me the most is that she left without telling me who my father was, a question I had carried for many years.
Losing her without getting the answers I desperately wanted has been painful. There are days I find myself crying and wondering why things had to happen this way.
I am grateful to God for my husband, who has been my greatest support system during this difficult time. His love, patience, and encouragement have helped me cope with the pain.